Better That...

Hi guys.

It's too early to write on this blog considering it's only 9 pm. My night time is different than yours, apparently.

God, it's been a tough week. A very tough one. I have never felt this heart broken for a long, long time. It feels just like three years ago and I thought I would never felt like this anymore. But here I am, so much pain. After the not so good sort of break up, And when I thought that I could came back to him, I was wrong. He finally found someone else that I'm so,,, jealous. It's my fault too that I never said the words that he needed so bad. I always wanted to spend my time with him just a little bit. Just so that if we ever going to different direction, at least i know how it feels. At least, I feel loved again and knew how it feel to love someone back.

And I can't believe that it's over.

Getting Close

It's been awhile. HELLO! Typing this on my iPad so pardon if there's any misspelled.

Hard weeks. No weekends. I pretty much tired from all the stuff i've been doing lately. Dark mood, deep thoughts at night about how am I supposed to do for the future.

I came here to said that times fly and its crazy to think that everything has changed. I discover new people, I have a part time job also now I'm going to college. Worst part is that I drifted away from people who I used to love my whole life. My bestfriend, he was one of the people who I used to put it in my number one playlist. And we kinda don't even know what's going on with eachother. And then the person that i've been 'friends' for 6 years is now doesn't even want to talk to me. So much going on. Oh, almost forgot that I once kinda fell for a guy who wrote about shit things aboutme in his blog, but I realized that it's never meant to be. I'm just being friends with the loneliness so that this random feelings happened. And this morning I woke up spending time thinking about someone else that I used to have a thing with and apparently he was still a friend of his past.

I could tell you everthing that has been happening my whole life right now but I pretty much make this post looks like shit.

And now I feel like i need people to realize that no matter what, people will always come and go and that's probably the most tragic lovable thing that will happen to all of us.

You know, "Maybe we were meant to be when the time is right" quotes.

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Hello Stacey, you know me right? this is the whats so called open letter to you. I know you read this even though I'm still typing and you know what comes in my mind. Every word I said, for exact.

I want to be friends. I'm tired for fighting. You are my closest frenemy. I'm honestly tired of what you do with the real me. You couldn't take over me just like that. We could work it out somehow. My teenage year is a living hell already but please can you not be the one who star the fire? I lost myself sometimes because of you. Sometimes I woke up being like you, Stacey, for 3 years. You go mad over someone and sometimes you sit right back in the corner of my room crying out loud. I can't help that. I wish I could Stacey, believe me.

But yes I know, other that than, you help me through the phase, through the struggling I've had. You create such a deep dark version of me, while the real me create a neon light version of me, the real me.

With this post, I hope that we could go further more. Become one self, not teared apart.

With love,

Nanda.

Ultraviolence.

Hello.

It's been awhile, but i'm here again. Busy with stuff (school shits and friends and yeah lots of project.)

I recently bought Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey. Gotta love the album because I used to think that Lana voice wasnt that good and she was overrated because all of the little monsters are talking about her back in Born To Die era but I'll give it a try and she is amazing. Her songs are so dark which is completely opposite thing where I usually listen to fun songs (Lady Gaga, Neon Trees, The 1975, The Killers, Fun., etc.) 

Ultraviolence is very dark. It's not like the BTD album. BTD was like a mixture of fun and sad and while you listen to BTD you're like yeah lets strip down and wear lingerie while you can being sad at the same time. In Ultraviolence, well, let's say you're going to have a breakdown while listening to it. Like you're thinking what the hell are you doing back then, all the mistakes you made and never realize it was stupid.

My fav songs are Brooklyn Baby and Sad Girl. The lyrics are so dark than the others (for me, though.) But all of the songs here are amazing. The West Coast radio edit version is something you should listen all day and put it into playlist.